I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
