ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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