Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
