you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
