New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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