The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
