Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
