Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
