Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
