I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
