the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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