I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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