is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
soo... how was my night?
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