i would punch a child for taco bell
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
as a side note pls kill me
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
