My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Randomize
