youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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