that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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