if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
