it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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