And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
