Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
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I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
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My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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