What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
