I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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