We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
