The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
dude i'm inner monologue high
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
