found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
