What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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