You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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