You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
