I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
So many bounce houses so little time
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
