Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
