Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
