I wannas sexs uuuuu
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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