I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
