What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
