My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
