Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I could make wine with my vomit
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
