mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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