its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
