But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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