dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
