Are we in a gay sports bar?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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