Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
