He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
