I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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