it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
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I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
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WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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