Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
