when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
