I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
