Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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