I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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