Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
i think my cat just said my name.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
