So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
