i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
