Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
