I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
