Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
