I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
