i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
