I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
