Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Omg the world wants us to be better people