my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
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between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
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You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house