my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
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Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
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Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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