Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.