Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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