I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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