Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
