Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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