There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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