xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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