I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
