I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
