It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
