I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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