just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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