I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
