You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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