I want to stick my p in your. b.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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